Archive for Parenting
Parenting…it’s hard work!
Posted by: | CommentsI don’t really mean that the way most people might think though. Oh, yes, back in the days when my kids were little I did mean it that way, but now it’s different. It’s hard work for the heart now.
Watching my kids grow older is so bittersweet. The sweet is that they are growing into wonderful young adults with such great personalities and they have such strong thoughts and opinions – of which I am very proud… most of the time. haha! They aren’t afraid to be themselves, they aren’t afraid to stand for what they believe in, they are fun to be with, they are just all in all great people!
The bitter part is that the more they grow and the more mature they get, that means they are so much closer to flying the coop. My daughter will be a senior in high school next year. Even though she hasn’t decided exactly what she will choose for living arrangements for her freshman year of college, I figure I have one year left with her as my baby girl. Yes, she will always be my baby girl but I’m sure it’s very different when they don’t live with you.
If she chooses to move into a dorm or an apartment with some friends, I won’t get to see her beautiful, smiling face every morning when she wakes up (okay – maybe not right when she wakes up!) nor will I see it every night when she goes to bed. I won’t get a sweet hug and kiss before bed every night. I won’t get to laugh with her throughout the day. It’s going to be hard.
Don’t get me wrong…I don’t wish to hold her back and hold her here with me. I am excited about her future. I’m excited about the experiences she will get to have in college, I’m excited about the new friends she will make, I’m excited about the classes she is looking forward to taking, I’m excited to see what her future holds for her. But I’m still sad to see her go.
And I can guarantee you I will cry when that day comes and she moves into a new place.
Marriage…it isn’t a piece of cake
Posted by: | CommentsI’ve been thinking about marriage lately. I wrote some posts awhile back about adultery and those are continually my most read posts (you can read them here if you wish – part 1, part 2, and part 3). I’m not sure if I should be sad about that or glad. On one hand, I’m sad because that means that a lot of people are dealing with adultery, which I know should not be a shocker to me but still…I hate that for them. On the other hand, I’m glad that people are searching for answers and I can only pray that maybe something that they find and read, whether it be here or elsewhere, will help them make the decision NOT to commit adultery.
I say all of that to say that marriage is not a piece of cake. It’s not just something that you decide to do one day and life is pure bliss for the rest of your days. Marriage is hard work, marriage requires compromise, marriage requires sacrifice, and most of all marriage requires a choice - a choice to love. Many people think that when you “fall in love” that those emotions that you have at that time will last forever. Then when those feelings start to change, because I can guarantee you they will, they decide that they aren’t “in love” anymore and they walk away from what used to be a good marriage. Emotions change over time – they go up and down and never stay constant. Love is not an emotion – it is a choice.
Marriage is something you have to actively participate in every day, you have to actively make the decision to love your spouse, you have to be fully committed to upholding the vows that you made on your wedding day. I’m not trying to make it sound like it’s always a hard thing to do – most days it’s a very easy thing to do! But there are those days where we are struggling and we are mad and we are wondering what we got ourselves into! 
On those days, it’s vitally important that you make the choice to love.
My husband and I have been married for nineteen years. We have had a lot of hard times, a lot of struggles in our marriage, but we have actively made the choice to choose love. We have agreed that we will stick together no matter what. We made a commitment to each other nineteen years ago and we have both agreed to stand behind that decision and not waiver from it. Has it been hard? At times. Has it been worth it? ABSOLUTELY! We have an amazing marriage, we have an awesome relationship with one another, and we have the greatest family one could ask for. You see, because of the commitment we have made to each other we have provided a safe and loving family for our children. They don’t have to worry about one of us ever leaving, they don’t have to worry about whether or not we love each other – they can see it by the way we have chosen to live our lives – by choosing love.
So, what will you choose? Will it be love and marriage?
Music is such a defining thing in life
Posted by: | CommentsI recently got to spend an evening enjoying the philharmonic orchestra in our city. They were playing the scores for many movies and it was an amazing evening! I love music to begin with but to be in the room with an entire orchestra and to watch the musicians making music is just so powerful! One of the composers that they showcased was John Williams. Can I just say that that man is AMAZING!! I’ve always thought so but I was sure reminded again.
Anyway, the point of this post is this – as I was sitting there listening to the songs that they were playing it struck me that some of these songs really define our family. Star Wars has always been a huge thing in our family – my husband grew up loving Star Wars (as did I but not nearly as much as he did! ha!) and my children have loved it since they were wee little things. My son has just about every Star Wars toy ever created it seems – family members got him several at each birthday, Christmas, and any other holiday that they felt a gift was necessary. 
My husband took the kids to see all three of the newest Star Wars movies in the theater – this was a huge treat because it’s something we don’t usually do but maybe once or twice a year. All of that to say that listening to the Star Wars music brought back many fond memories of when my kids were little. I loved it!
Another composer they showcased was Hans Zimmer. His music for The Lion King was so beautiful! That man is truly gifted as well! This music also brought back fond memories because my son LOVED The Lion King for years starting from when he was about a year old. He had all the little toys of Mufasa, Rafiki, Simba, Nulla, etc. and he would sit and play with those all of the time. He watched the movie so many times he knew it by heart! The case for that tape (yes, VHS tape - it was a long time ago!) is VERY worn out!
So all of that to say that I am very thankful for composers and music. They bring such a joy to my life in so many ways. I can’t imagine life without music!
What differentiates A students from C students?
Posted by: | CommentsI’ve been contemplating something recently. I’ve thought about it before but I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit lately. How does a student become an A student? Is it simply spending the time to do the homework required? Does it go above and beyond that? Do some brains just not function the same way and so they are not capable of achieving higher grades? If grades are lower does it come from lack of motivation or laziness, does it come from lack of teaching, or does it just not click?
Now obviously, I’m not including kids with learning disabilities. I realize there are some things that can go on in our brains that really do prevent some of us from being able to learn and comprehend at the same level as others. And I’m also not saying every student needs to make all As – I realize that all kids are different and some will excel in some things and maybe not in other things. I guess what I’m curious about is whether, with the proper effort, it is possible for any kid (without a disability) to earn an A in any given class. I know it’s not necessarily probable but is it possible?
I realize that these questions aren’t necessarily something that can be answered with just a simple answer. And I realize that everyone probably has a different opinion on this. The reason I’ve been thinking about it is because of some things I’ve discovered over the last couple of years as I’ve taught a couple of classes to kids other than my own. Plus, as I mentioned a few days ago, I’m homeschooling another student other than my own kids and it’s been quite a bit different.
Since I am a homeschooler I have obviously only taught my kids and had experience with how my kids learn for the last ten years. As I said though, I’ve been teaching others for the last couple of years, as well as the student I added at home, and I’ve found that there is a lot of information that I’m teaching that some kids just don’t seem to get and I’m trying to figure out why. I have several ideas – all of which could be wrong – but I know that even if I was right with one it may not apply to all of the kids equally. Actually, I’m sure it won’t!
One idea is that the kids are not receiving the same level of education from their own parents (or school) that I am used to using with my kids. I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way but I know that I teach at a very high standard and I expect a lot out of my kids. Though I didn’t realize that until I became a part of this group and began teaching others. I honestly thought that most kids, especially since they were homeschoolers, would be at the same level as my kids. I have found that this is not the case at all. It just doesn’t seem like a lot of people place the same importance on education that I do. And I really don’t feel like I’m over-the-top! I’ve known some people that were over-the-top and I am so not there! haha! But there are kids that have come to my class (high school mind you) that do not know simple grammar rules. That is just unfathomable to me! I have actually had quite a few moms tell me that they haven’t really done a true grammar curriculum so they are “kind of” behind. WHAT!? Maybe I’m just crazy but to me that’s the most important subject. We, as a society, use that in everything that we do. Just in the most basic thing we do each day in speaking to one another we use grammar! (And if you’ve heard many people speak lately you know that this is definitely a subject that’s been skipped a lot!)
Another idea is that too many kids do not have a love for learning. They just don’t care so they just don’t try. I really wonder how many kids fall into this category and, if they really wanted to, if they could be making really good grades with a little more effort. To go along with this idea I think some kids try to finish their work just as quickly as possible so that they can move on to something else and by doing that they’ve lessened the quality of their work quite a bit. They need to realize it’s not a race. I know that kids have many things they’d probably rather be doing than sitting with school books and studying, but if they truly enjoyed learning would it be a little different? If it were presented in a better way would it be different? I know for us, a change in curriculum when we were struggling with something has made huge differences.
Of course the other idea is that it just doesn’t click with some kids. No matter how many times you explain something their brain just cannot wrap itself around the concept. If this is truly the case and it’s none of the above then it is completely understandable that we have such a wide span of grades within any group of kids.
Here is an example of what I’m talking about: I gave a test in my class this week and out of all the students, only a few got an A, there were a few Bs, a couple of Ds and one that completely failed it. I worked hard to review the material with them, I suggested items for studying, and everything that was on the test was something we had gone over in class. But there were still that many that did that poorly. I just don’t get it!
Maybe I’m too used to my kids and I’m expecting too much??? Again, I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way at all but my kids have proven themselves to be above average in the last two years. We participated in the standardized testing program a couple of years ago for the first time and my son scored in the 96 percentile and my daughter scored in the 97 percentile for the national results. My daughter took the ACT for the first time last month as a junior and got a 29 – and she didn’t even finish it because she ran out of time. So I have learned that my kids are strong academic students but is that because of the effort that we have put into it or is because they just have the kind of brain that really absorbs information?
I would love to hear anyone else’s thoughts and opinions on this matter. Let me know how your kids fare in school. Is it a struggle or is it easy? Do you see a big difference between your children and their peers? Any other teachers struggle with the level of learning in their classes?
Is there a light at the end of this tunnel??
Posted by: | CommentsDo you ever just feel like life is a little out of control? That’s kind of how I feel right now. There are so many good things going on right now but there are some things that just don’t seem to be going all that well and it really affects everything else in a way that can get so discouraging.
Part of the problem is that life is just too busy. I miss the days, back when my kids were in elementary school, when we spent a few hours on school and then we had time to play together and do other things. I miss the simpler form of homeschooling where I could sit down with my kids and really spend time teaching them new concepts and going over things with them and having fun learning. It’s not that we aren’t doing any learning now but high school is just a little bit different and a little bit more intense than elementary school.
We are also in a homeschool group that meets once a week for classes and we have loved it but this year it’s starting to wear on me. I really never thought I’d say that either. Last year if you’d asked me I would have told you I might just keep going even after my kids graduate! Now, I know that will definitely not be happening. I’m not even sure I want to do it next year! One of the worst things about it is I’m on the board. I’m wondering if I step down from that for next year if it will improve tremendously?? There is a lot of stress, a lot of pressure, and a lot more work that goes along with that job. Maybe things will get better if I give that up?
I’ve also taken on homeschooling another child this year – another high school student. I had great expectations and envisioned how it would go but it’s not really going like I thought it would. It’s not bad, it’s just different. But different enough that I’m having a hard time with it. I’m used to my own kids and it’s a totally different thing to take in someone else’s.
I really think after the end of this month that things will get a lot better. You see football season will be over and I won’t be running all over town or having my kids gone almost every night of the week anymore. I guess we’ll see!
Thanks for “listening” to my venting session. I believe I sound a little crazier than I even thought after putting this in writing! haha!
Can siblings be friends?
Posted by: | CommentsMany people assume that siblings will naturally be enemies of each other. It seems as if there are so many that don’t get along that it’s just become the norm for parents to expect their children to fight with each other. Of course, any time two or more people live in the same place there is going to be conflict – that’s a given! But it doesn’t have to mean that WWIII is going to break out at any time in your house!
Siblings can get along. That is something that has always been of utmost importance in our home. We have two kids – a boy and a girl – and we have taught them from a very early age that their sibling always comes first. Friends will come and go but their sibling will always be their sibling. We have instilled in them the value of treating each other with respect, with showing each other love, and of spending time with one another.
Our kids are in their mid and late teens now and they are best friends. They hang out together all the time. They have some friends that are the same and some that are different but they both get along with, and will hang out with, all of each other’s friends – together. They don’t throw a fit about having to do things together or include each other – they do it willlingly and without being told. (In fact, if I tried to separate them they’d probably get upset with me!)
Now, I’m not saying all of this to say ‘look at how wonderful my kids are.’ They have their issues – don’t worry! But, for the most part they don’t have many issues with each other. I’m just trying to say that it can be done. Siblings can be friends. I think it helps if you start teaching them the value of sibling relationships when they are very young. It’s not something easily started when they are fifteen years old and they can’t stand their little brother or sister! But if you nurture these relationships in your children they will grow into the most amazing relationships you’ve ever seen. I know it’s amazing to me! My sister and I didn’t get along very well when we were kids so to see my kids love each other the way they do blesses my heart like you would not believe!
Adultery = Destruction
Posted by: | CommentsThere is no way around that. Adultery and destruction go hand in hand. Adultery is based on lies and deceit so how can it be anything but destruction? I shared a couple of days ago about how adultery leads to disaster and yesterday I shared how to reduce the risks of adultery. If those points haven’t convinced you that adultery is dangerous and a very bad choice, I hope that what I share with you today will.
As I pointed out in the previous two posts, this series that I’ve written are based on points taken from our pastor’s sermon that he shared this week from a series called How to Wreck Your Life in 5 Easy Steps. Adultery is not something I have ever had to worry about in my own marriage. My husband and I have had our share of problems that we’ve had to deal with but adultery has never been one of them. We are both 100% committed to each other and making sure our marriage truly does last until death so doing things to jeopardize that by doing anything inappropriate with the opposite sex has just never been something we were willing to do. So as our pastor began preaching this sermon we were, quite honestly, cracking jokes to each other at the beginning when he talked about the percentages of people who commit adultery by the age of forty because it’s just so foreign to us! (Being that we are both so close to forty we were saying we don’t have much time left to make the statistic. Of course we were TOTALLY kidding!)
As the message went further and further, though, it really began to get to me. When he reached the point where he began to talk about the destruction to the family I literally lost it. I was sitting in church just weeping. I think my husband was a little concerned at first (not that he became unconcerned mind you!) but then he figured out why I was having so much trouble and whispered in my ear to ask, “Are you thinking about your parents?” Yes. That’s exactly what I was thinking. You see, my family was ripped apart when I was a young child and it is still devastating. That’s not something that ever goes away.
One of the most powerful statements our pastor made through this whole sermon was when he said that you need to visualize the destruction that this will cause if you are anywhere close to thinking about adultery. He said to think about telling your children that you are leaving the family and destroying everything you have built so that you can go be with another person. That’s when I lost it. Because that’s what my dad did. Not that he sat down and told us that but he left and went to be with another woman. He created another family for himself and left us behind. I would go visit him at few times throughout the year each year as I grew up but things were never the same again. I did not get to grow up with a daddy. I did not have a father there when I needed one. I still don’t have a relationship with him and, for the most part, I have moved on and I’m okay with that but deep down it still hurts very much. There are times, even as an adult, when a girl just needs a daddy. I don’t have that. And it really stinks!
So, if you are thinking that an “innocent” business meeting is no big deal – think again. If you think that an “innocent” business trip is no big deal – think again. If you think that talking to the opposite sex about anything personal – especially your marriage – is no big deal – think again. These things, and SO many more, lead to the path of destruction called adultery. Protect yourself, protect your spouse, and protect your children – don’t put yourself in situations that have the potential to lead to disaster.
You know, we all may sit and think that it will never happen to us but it really just takes little steps here and there moving in that direction and then, before you know it, you’ve done something you shouldn’t have. Watch the sermon. He gives a GREAT example of little steps that a lot of people probably think are innocent that will lead to disaster. You never know, it might save your family.
Please cover up!
Posted by: | CommentsMy kids and I went to the local water park today. I have to say that, even though it shouldn’t, it constantly amazes me what girls will leave the house wearing. I am amazed at the swimming suits that girls wear. What’s even more amazing to me is the fact that their parents buy these suits for them and give them permission to wear them! My under clothes cover more than these girls’ swimming suits do and I wouldn’t dream of going out in public in those! (I don’t usually use the word “under clothes” but I really don’t want to spell things out and have all kinds of creepy people finding this post because of word combinations that could be put together if I use other words. KWIM?)
Do these girls not understand what they are saying by dressing that way? Do they not understand what they are doing to every young man in their vicinity? It’s so sad to me that our society has encouraged young women to dress this way and that they feel it’s not only appropriate but stylish as well. Can we just have some respect for ourselves as well as for all those around us and cover up??
I’m sorry, but I personally do not want to see every girls’ cheeks (you know which ones I mean!) hanging out and I do not want to see almost every square inch of their cleavage. It disgusts me to have to walk around looking at this and it makes me mad that, in order to take my kids swimming, this is what we have to put up with!
I think parents who allow their daughters to dress this way should be ashamed of themselves. Seriously.
And one more thing – I’m sorry if this is tackybut I’m amazed at the swimming suits that large women wear. I’m not saying you have to be skinny to wear a swimming suit – I’m not skinny and I wear one! – but seriously, a bikini when you have fat rolls and cellulite all over your body??? Nobody wants to see that. There are cute swimming suits that cover those problem areas. I’m just sayin’.
Something to think about…
Posted by: | CommentsI saw this in an e-mail loop that I’m on and thought it was worth sharing:
A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said:
‘Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not
even 1 yr. Old and I’m pregnant again. I don’t want kids so close together.’
So the doctor said: ‘Ok, and what do you want me to do?’
She said: ‘I want you to end my pregnancy, and I’m counting on your help with
this.’
The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady: ‘I
think I have a better solution for your problem. It’s less dangerous for you
too.’
She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request.
Then he continued: ‘You see, in order for you not to have to take care of 2
babies at the same time, let’s kill the one in your arms. This way, you could
rest some before the other one is born. If we’re going to kill one of them, it
doesn’t matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you
chose the one in your arms.
The lady was horrified and said: ‘No doctor! How terrible! It’s a crime to kill
a child!
‘I agree’, the doctor replied. ‘But you seemed to be ok with it, so I thought
maybe that was the best solution.” The doctor smiled, realizing that he had
made his point.
He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that’s
already been born and one that’s still in the womb. The crime is the same.
Education or indoctrination
Posted by: | CommentsI’ve actually written a post about this topic before but here it is in the news again (as I’m sure it has been many times since I last wrote about it!). Seriously… these people REALLY feel like this is something kindergarteners need to know!?!? I guess they realize that the younger they can get children to believe something is okay the easier it will be to keep them believing that way. The whole idea is appalling to me.
