There is a situation that I am involved in right now that is making me very uncomfortable and it’s mostly because of gossip.  I don’t like gossip.  I’m not going to go so far as to say I’ve never done it because I think it’s one of those things like lying – we don’t want to do it, we know it’s wrong, but sometimes we catch ourselves doing it.  It’s frustrating!

But anyway, gossip can turn someone’s opinion of another person into a completely different direction if you’re not careful.  And the old adage is true – there ARE two sides to every story.  I know a lot of us, including me, like to think our side is the “right” side and that we are always right but unfortunately that’s not true.  We ARE wrong sometimes, we DO get mistaken ideas about people, we DO misread situations.  It’s not fair to tell other people something negative about someone because you aren’t happy with them at the time or you think something happened a different way.

I had a situation yesterday where three or four different people were talked about in a totally negative way – things were said that totally turned people’s opinion of these people in a different direction.  They now may think they are “bad” people or people that they shouldn’t be around.  It’s ridiculous!  I know these people and they AREN’T bad people!  I also (kind of) know both sides of a couple of the stories and I know that the facts are not what are being shared.  I really think things have been blown out of proportion and only one side of the story has been told but conclusions have immediately been drawn and now I’m afraid these people have a “bad” reputation.

It just makes me so sad.  And the hard part is, I really don’t see a solution to the problem.  I don’t see a way to fix it.  It’s something I’ve been praying about for quite a while and will continue to do so but it’s so hard.  I just pray that God moves in these people’s hearts and shows them that what they are doing is wrong.  Will you pray with me?  I know you don’t know the people or the situation but I would sure appreciate a quick little prayer even as you read this!!

The moral of the story…think before you speak.  Just like mommas always say, if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything.

Watching my kids grow older is so bittersweet.  The sweet is that they are growing into wonderful young adults with such great personalities and they have such strong thoughts and opinions – of which I am very proud… most of the time.  haha!   They aren’t afraid to be themselves, they aren’t afraid to stand for what they believe in, they are fun to be with, they are just all in all great people!

The bitter part is that the more they grow and the more mature they get, that means they are so much closer to flying the coop.  My daughter will be a senior in high school next year.   Even though she hasn’t decided exactly what she will choose for living arrangements for her freshman year of college, I figure I have one year left with her as my baby girl.  Yes, she will always be my baby girl but I’m sure it’s very different when they don’t live with you.

If she chooses to move into a dorm or an apartment with some friends, I won’t get to see her beautiful, smiling face every morning when she wakes up (okay – maybe not right when she wakes up!) nor will I see it every night when she goes to bed.  I won’t get a sweet hug and kiss before bed every night.  I won’t get to laugh with her throughout the day.  It’s going to be hard.

Don’t get me wrong…I don’t wish to hold her back and hold her here with me.  I am excited about her future.  I’m excited about the experiences she will get to have in college, I’m excited about the new friends she will make, I’m excited about the classes she is looking forward to taking, I’m excited to see what her future holds for her.  But I’m still sad to see her go.

And I can guarantee you I will cry when that day comes and she moves into a new place.

I say all of that to say that marriage is not a piece of cake.  It’s not just something that you decide to do one day and life is pure bliss for the rest of your days.  Marriage is hard work, marriage requires compromise, marriage requires sacrifice, and most of all marriage requires a choice - a choice to love.  Many people think that when you “fall in love” that those emotions that you have at that time will last forever.  Then when those feelings start to change, because I can guarantee you they will, they decide that they aren’t “in love” anymore and they walk away from what used to be a good marriage. Emotions change over time – they go up and down and never stay constant.  Love is not an emotion – it is a choice.

Marriage is something you have to actively participate in every day, you have to actively make the decision to love your spouse, you have to be fully committed to upholding the vows that you made on your wedding day.  I’m not trying to make it sound like it’s always a hard thing to do – most days it’s a very easy thing to do!  But there are those days where we are struggling and we are mad and we are wondering what we got ourselves into!    On those days, it’s vitally important that you make the choice to love.

My husband and I have been married for nineteen years.  We have had a lot of hard times, a lot of struggles in our marriage, but we have actively made the choice to choose love.  We have agreed that we will stick together no matter what.  We made a commitment to each other nineteen years ago and we have both agreed to stand behind that decision and not waiver from it.  Has it been hard?  At times.  Has it been worth it?  ABSOLUTELY!  We have an amazing marriage, we have an awesome relationship with one another, and we have the greatest family one could ask for.  You see, because of the commitment we have made to each other we have provided a safe and loving family for our children.  They don’t have to worry about one of us ever leaving, they don’t have to worry about whether or not we love each other – they can see it by the way we have chosen to live our lives – by choosing love.

So, what will you choose?  Will it be love and marriage?

The first one really spoke to me though because I have had similar struggles.  I struggle with not feeling beautiful and not feeling like I look “good” to the world around me.  When I was growing up I was very thin and never had to worry about weight, now that I’m older and have had children I have a weight problem.  It’s not like my weight is out of control or anything but I’m not happy with it.  I also have a thyroid problem and that’s where part of my struggle is – I don’t know if I am even capable of being a thin person anymore.  I haven’t tried to deal with the problem as much as I should have for the last few years but for a long time I did – I ate right, exercised daily, and did things like I was supposed to… and I never lost the weight.  I just kind of gave up and figured why bother!  I don’t really know how much of it is mental and how much of it is physical.  I WANT to work at it, I WANT to eat right, I WANT to exercise, I WANT to lose weight but life has just gotten in the way.   Any maybe with my thyroid condition this is as good as it gets??  I’m not eve sure.

Another issue I have with my “beauty” is my skin.  I have always had skin that breaks out – some days are better than others and it can actually look pretty decent sometimes but sometimes I break out like a teenager.  I’m 38 years old for crying out loud!  I think it’s time to have nice smooth skin for a change!  I’m going to have acne and wrinkles at the same time the way things are going and that’s just ridiculous!  So… that bothers me too.  Can you tell?

My hair is another issue.  I can’t stand it.  It’s straight as a board, no body, no life.  I have to wash it every day because it gets so oily.  That’s the part that bothers me the most.  If I go more than 24 hours it looks like I haven’t washed my hair in a week!  I can’t figure out how to fix that – or if I even can!  I see all of these women with gorgeous hair that has body and life, that has style, and that isn’t hanging flat against their head by the end of the day and I WANT IT!!

Beauty shouldn’t be what SOCIETY says it should be though.  True beauty is what GOD says is beautiful.  Treating others well is beautiful, taking care of our family is beautiful, showing others the love of Jesus is beautiful, and living our lives in a way that is pleasing to God is beautiful.  Those are the things that matter more.  But we, as women, really struggle with that I think.  Our society places so much emphasis on what a woman looks like and has such a strict definition of what beauty is that we fall into that trap of believing that that’s all that matters, of believing that the models and actresses reflect reality for the average woman.  It’s simply not true!

We will be much better off if we can shed that image we have created for ourselves – the one that, for me, says we have to be pencil thin with gorgeous skin and gorgeous hair.  I need to trust in God and know that if I am pleasing to Him then I am doing well.

Just as Lacey shared in her post: “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”  (Psalm 31:30)

If you want to read more about what others think of beauty and how they deal with it please click the links above or the button below.

I hope you have a beautiful day!

Anyway, the point of this post is this – as I was sitting there listening to the songs that they were playing it struck me that some of these songs really define our family.  Star Wars has always been a huge thing in our family – my husband grew up loving Star Wars (as did I but not nearly as much as he did! ha!) and my children have loved it since they were wee little things.  My son has just about every Star Wars toy ever created it seems – family members got him several at each birthday, Christmas, and any other holiday that they felt a gift was necessary.   My husband took the kids to see all three of the newest Star Wars movies in the theater – this was a huge treat because it’s something we don’t usually do but maybe once or twice a year. All of that to say that listening to the Star Wars music brought back many fond memories of when my kids were little.  I loved it!

Another composer they showcased was Hans Zimmer.  His music for The Lion King was so beautiful!  That man is truly gifted as well!  This music also brought back fond memories because my son LOVED The Lion King for years starting from when he was about a year old.  He had all the little toys of Mufasa, Rafiki, Simba, Nulla, etc. and he would sit and play with those all of the time.  He watched the movie so many times he knew it by heart!  The case for that tape (yes, VHS tape - it was a long time ago!) is VERY worn out! 

So all of that to say that I am very thankful for composers and music.  They bring such a joy to my life in so many ways.  I can’t imagine life without music!

This year has also been a difficult school year for several different reasons.  The co-op where I teach has had some issues that have been difficult for me and my class that I teach has as well.  It’s just made for a very stressful year so far.

I’m hoping to get back on here soon and have something to say.  Thanks to anybody who is still out there paying attention to my blog.

Part of the problem is that life is just too busy.  I miss the days, back when my kids were in elementary school, when we spent a few hours on school and then we had time to play together and do other things.  I miss the simpler form of homeschooling where I could sit down with my kids and really spend time teaching them new concepts and going over things with them and having fun learning.  It’s not that we aren’t doing any learning now but high school is just a little bit different and a little bit more intense than elementary school. 

We are also in a homeschool group that meets once a week for classes and we have loved it but this year it’s starting to wear on me.  I really never thought I’d say that either.  Last year if you’d asked me I would have told you I might just keep going even after my kids graduate!  Now, I know that will definitely not be happening.  I’m not even sure I want to do it next year!  One of the worst things about it is I’m on the board.  I’m wondering if I step down from that for next year if it will improve tremendously??   There is a lot of stress, a lot of pressure, and a lot more work that goes along with that job.  Maybe things will get better if I give that up?

I’ve also taken on homeschooling another child this year – another high school student.  I had great expectations and envisioned how it would go but it’s not really going like I thought it would.  It’s not bad, it’s just different.  But different enough that I’m having a hard time with it.  I’m used to my own kids and it’s a totally different thing to take in someone else’s.

I really think after the end of this month that things will get a lot better.  You see football season will be over and I won’t be running all over town or having my kids gone almost every night of the week anymore.   I guess we’ll see!

Thanks for “listening” to my venting session.  I believe I sound a little crazier than I even thought after putting this in writing!  haha!

My Twitter name (is that even what you call it?) is MLBAH – momlovesbeingathome was too long.    Let me know if you have one, who you follow, and what you think of Twitter!