Watching my kids grow older is so bittersweet.  The sweet is that they are growing into wonderful young adults with such great personalities and they have such strong thoughts and opinions – of which I am very proud… most of the time.  haha!   They aren’t afraid to be themselves, they aren’t afraid to stand for what they believe in, they are fun to be with, they are just all in all great people!

The bitter part is that the more they grow and the more mature they get, that means they are so much closer to flying the coop.  My daughter will be a senior in high school next year.   Even though she hasn’t decided exactly what she will choose for living arrangements for her freshman year of college, I figure I have one year left with her as my baby girl.  Yes, she will always be my baby girl but I’m sure it’s very different when they don’t live with you.

If she chooses to move into a dorm or an apartment with some friends, I won’t get to see her beautiful, smiling face every morning when she wakes up (okay – maybe not right when she wakes up!) nor will I see it every night when she goes to bed.  I won’t get a sweet hug and kiss before bed every night.  I won’t get to laugh with her throughout the day.  It’s going to be hard.

Don’t get me wrong…I don’t wish to hold her back and hold her here with me.  I am excited about her future.  I’m excited about the experiences she will get to have in college, I’m excited about the new friends she will make, I’m excited about the classes she is looking forward to taking, I’m excited to see what her future holds for her.  But I’m still sad to see her go.

And I can guarantee you I will cry when that day comes and she moves into a new place.

I say all of that to say that marriage is not a piece of cake.  It’s not just something that you decide to do one day and life is pure bliss for the rest of your days.  Marriage is hard work, marriage requires compromise, marriage requires sacrifice, and most of all marriage requires a choice - a choice to love.  Many people think that when you “fall in love” that those emotions that you have at that time will last forever.  Then when those feelings start to change, because I can guarantee you they will, they decide that they aren’t “in love” anymore and they walk away from what used to be a good marriage. Emotions change over time – they go up and down and never stay constant.  Love is not an emotion – it is a choice.

Marriage is something you have to actively participate in every day, you have to actively make the decision to love your spouse, you have to be fully committed to upholding the vows that you made on your wedding day.  I’m not trying to make it sound like it’s always a hard thing to do – most days it’s a very easy thing to do!  But there are those days where we are struggling and we are mad and we are wondering what we got ourselves into!    On those days, it’s vitally important that you make the choice to love.

My husband and I have been married for nineteen years.  We have had a lot of hard times, a lot of struggles in our marriage, but we have actively made the choice to choose love.  We have agreed that we will stick together no matter what.  We made a commitment to each other nineteen years ago and we have both agreed to stand behind that decision and not waiver from it.  Has it been hard?  At times.  Has it been worth it?  ABSOLUTELY!  We have an amazing marriage, we have an awesome relationship with one another, and we have the greatest family one could ask for.  You see, because of the commitment we have made to each other we have provided a safe and loving family for our children.  They don’t have to worry about one of us ever leaving, they don’t have to worry about whether or not we love each other – they can see it by the way we have chosen to live our lives – by choosing love.

So, what will you choose?  Will it be love and marriage?

Part of the problem is that life is just too busy.  I miss the days, back when my kids were in elementary school, when we spent a few hours on school and then we had time to play together and do other things.  I miss the simpler form of homeschooling where I could sit down with my kids and really spend time teaching them new concepts and going over things with them and having fun learning.  It’s not that we aren’t doing any learning now but high school is just a little bit different and a little bit more intense than elementary school. 

We are also in a homeschool group that meets once a week for classes and we have loved it but this year it’s starting to wear on me.  I really never thought I’d say that either.  Last year if you’d asked me I would have told you I might just keep going even after my kids graduate!  Now, I know that will definitely not be happening.  I’m not even sure I want to do it next year!  One of the worst things about it is I’m on the board.  I’m wondering if I step down from that for next year if it will improve tremendously??   There is a lot of stress, a lot of pressure, and a lot more work that goes along with that job.  Maybe things will get better if I give that up?

I’ve also taken on homeschooling another child this year – another high school student.  I had great expectations and envisioned how it would go but it’s not really going like I thought it would.  It’s not bad, it’s just different.  But different enough that I’m having a hard time with it.  I’m used to my own kids and it’s a totally different thing to take in someone else’s.

I really think after the end of this month that things will get a lot better.  You see football season will be over and I won’t be running all over town or having my kids gone almost every night of the week anymore.   I guess we’ll see!

Thanks for “listening” to my venting session.  I believe I sound a little crazier than I even thought after putting this in writing!  haha!

Siblings can get along.  That is something that has always been of utmost importance in our home.  We have two kids – a boy and a girl – and we have taught them from a very early age that their sibling always comes first.  Friends will come and go but their sibling will always be their sibling.  We have instilled in them the value of treating each other with respect, with showing each other love, and of spending time with one another.

Our kids are in their mid and late teens now and they are best friends.  They hang out together all the time.  They have some friends that are the same and some that are different but they both get along with, and will hang out with, all of each other’s friends – together.  They don’t throw a fit about having to do things together or include each other – they do it willlingly and without being told.  (In fact, if I tried to separate them they’d probably get upset with me!)

Now, I’m not saying all of this to say ‘look at how wonderful my kids are.’  They have their issues – don’t worry!    But, for the most part they don’t have many issues with each other.  I’m just trying to say that it can be done.  Siblings can be friends.  I think it helps if you start teaching them the value of sibling relationships when they are very young.  It’s not something easily started when they are fifteen years old and they can’t stand their little brother or sister!    But if you nurture these relationships in your children they will grow into the most amazing relationships you’ve ever seen.  I know it’s amazing to me!  My sister and I didn’t get along very well when we were kids so to see my kids love each other the way they do blesses my heart like you would not believe! 

As I pointed out in the previous two posts, this series that I’ve written are based on points taken from our pastor’s sermon that he shared this week from a series called How to Wreck Your Life in 5 Easy Steps.  Adultery is not something I have ever had to worry about in my own marriage.  My husband and I have had our share of problems that we’ve had to deal with but adultery has never been one of them.  We are both 100% committed to each other and making sure our marriage truly does last until death so doing things to jeopardize that by doing anything inappropriate with the opposite sex has just never been something we were willing to do.  So as our pastor began preaching this sermon we were, quite honestly, cracking jokes to each other at the beginning when he talked about the percentages of people who commit adultery by the age of forty because it’s just so foreign to us!  (Being that we are both so close to forty we were saying we don’t have much time left to make the statistic.  Of course we were TOTALLY kidding!)

As the message went further and further, though, it really began to get to me.  When he reached the point where he began to talk about the destruction to the family I literally lost it.  I was sitting in church just weeping.  I think my husband was a little concerned at first (not that he became unconcerned mind you!) but then he figured out why I was having so much trouble and whispered in my ear to ask, “Are you thinking about your parents?”  Yes.  That’s exactly what I was thinking.  You see, my family was ripped apart when I was a young child and it is still devastating.  That’s not something that ever goes away.

One of the most powerful statements our pastor made through this whole sermon was when he said that you need to visualize the destruction that this will cause if you are anywhere close to thinking about adultery.  He said to think about telling your children that you are leaving the family and destroying everything you have built so that you can go be with another person.  That’s when I lost it.  Because that’s what my dad did.  Not that he sat down and told us that but he left and went to be with another woman.  He created another family for himself and left us behind.  I would go visit him at few times throughout the year each year as I grew up but things were never the same again.  I did not get to grow up with a daddy.  I did not have a father there when I needed one.  I still don’t have a relationship with him and, for the most part, I have moved on and I’m okay with that but deep down it still hurts very much.  There are times, even as an adult, when a girl just needs a daddy.  I don’t have that.  And it really stinks!

So, if you are thinking that an “innocent” business meeting is no big deal – think again.  If you think that an “innocent” business trip is no big deal – think again.  If you think that talking to the opposite sex about anything personal – especially your marriage – is no big deal – think again.  These things, and SO many more, lead to the path of destruction called adultery.  Protect yourself, protect your spouse, and protect your children – don’t put yourself in situations that have the potential to lead to disaster.

You know, we all may sit and think that it will never happen to us but it really just takes little steps here and there moving in that direction and then, before you know it, you’ve done something you shouldn’t have.  Watch the sermon.  He gives a GREAT example of little steps that a lot of people probably think are innocent that will lead to disaster.  You never know, it might save your family.

Just as I mentioned yesterday these points have been taken from the sermon that our pastor preached this last week at church.  I would highly recommend that you go and watch it.  It may be one of the best investments in your marriage!

Anyway, to continue on…

The important thing to remember is that you need to do whatever it takes to reduce the risks of committing adultery.  Here are five steps to help you with this:

• Keep a growing relationship with Christ.  If you are seeking to serve Christ in all that you do you are much less likely to stray in your marriage.
• Never be alone with the wrong people.  You should never place yourself in the position of being alone with the opposite sex. Not only can it be dangerous but it just gives the appearance of something bad. If you were to have a business lunch with the opposite sex and someone you or your spouse knows were to walk in and see you dining with that person, what would they think? Would they assume something is going on? Always protect yourself by having another person with you.
• Never talk badly about your marriage with the wrong people.  This is SO important!  Once you start talking about the problems in your marriage and the bad things about your spouse not only does that person only have a negative image of your spouse but if you are confiding in the opposite sex about your marriage you are becoming emotionally intimate with them.  The only person you should be sharing with is your spouse!  Things cannot get worked out unless you are working together.  If things are bad enough that you feel like you need to talk to someone else seek a trusted marriage counselor for help – not the shoulder of a friend or co-worker.
• Surround yourself with strong marriages.  Our pastor gave a great example for this – if you are surrounded by people who think it’s okay to cheat and commit adultery what’s going to stop you from doing it?  You will become so used to the idea that people cheat that you will do it without a thought.  Surround yourself with people who have good marriages, who care for their spouses, and who cherish the vows they made when they got married.
• Avoid all inappropriate places and situations.  Just as I said before, a business lunch with the opposite sex is not appropriate.  You should always do things in groups if it’s business related and if that’s not possible then just don’t do it.  Have phone meetings or meetings at an office where there are plenty of people around – not a restaurant setting with just two of you.  At my husband’s office there are men and women that work in the same office and the set up of the office is one large room with two smaller offices off of that.  My husband and his boss have made the rule for the office that the men will never leave one man there if any women are still present and a man and woman are never to be in one of the smaller offices with the door closed.  It’s just safer for everyone involved that way.  I trust my husband completely and don’t worry about what he might do but I really admire him as well as his boss for taking this stand and making sure everything stays completely appropriate.  Not only does that show respect and boundaries for the women working in the office, it shows honor and respect for the wives of the men who are not there with them.

The main thing that you need to be doing, besides all of these great tips, is investing in your marriage.  If you are pouring your heart and soul into your marriage and your spouse you are much less likely to feel like you need to seek attention from outside of your marriage and your spouse will be the same.

What five steps do we have to accomplish this?

• Get transparent – be totally real with your spouse
• Get alone – have a date night every week – spend time with just your spouse
• Get spiritual – pray together
• Get help – if things get bad seek help from a trusted counselor
• Get n*ked.  I think that’s self explanatory. 

Our pastor shared a quote that I just LOVED that I’d like to share with you:  If the grass looks greener in someone else’s yard – it’s time to water yours!  Isn’t that awesome!  We don’t get green grass without taking care of it and we don’t have a great marriag without taking care of it.  Invest in your marriage and your spouse and you will reap the rewards.

The last part of the series is equally imporant as all of these things so I  hope you’ll come back tomorrow for the rest.  I will talk about the destruction that adultery causes and my first-hand experience growing up in broken home.

Take care and happy marriages! 

Anyway, our pastor is doing a series called Five Easy Steps to Wreck Your Life. The title of the series and the promotional videos are catchy and pretty funny but the subject matter definitely is not – and it shouldn’t be. This is serious stuff and too many people in our country have decided it’s no big deal and/or normal for this kind of behavior to occur. The first week, as you’ve probably already gathered from the title, was about adultery. I want to highlight his sermon this week in what will probably be a three-part series but if you have thirty minutes I would highly, HIGHLY recommend watching the message online. Whether you are a Christian or not and if you are married or ever plan to be married I promise it will be good information for you to hear.

First some statistics:
Up to 65% of husbands and 55% of wives will commit adultery by age 40. (Journal of Psychology & Christianity)
Percent of people who actually marry the forbidden lover – 3%
Percent of those marriages that end in divorce – 75%
The odds of a lasting marriage as a result – .075%!!

Pretty unbelievable stats, huh!!

So what things can pretty much guarantee that you will wreck your marriage and commit adultery? I’m glad you asked! Here are the five things our pastor gave us:
1. Neglect your marriage – if you aren’t paying attention to your spouse and making sure to invest time in your marriage it will suffer. It’s not a matter of if but when.
2. Enjoy common interests and form an emotional bond with someone else – if you are spending time sharing your thoughts and feelings with the opposite sex or if you are finding things that you enjoy doing and doing them with someone other than your spouse you are heading for trouble.
3. Anticipate time together – if you are sitting around thinking about the next time you’ll get to see this person and looking for ways to make that happen those are some serious red flags!
4. Flirt whenever possible – do you spend time flirting with people but saying you are just “friendly”? Flirting is flirting and you shouldn’t flirt with anyone but your spouse.
5. Make excuses and rationalize your actions – many people will say they aren’t committing adultery if they haven’t actually had s*x – that is 100% not true. Matthew 5:28 says “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Any time that you are spending intimate time with someone – even if it is “just” talking – you may not be physically cheating on your spouse but you are cheating emotionally. Just don’t do it!

If you have found yourself doing any of these five things you should really sit down and evaluate your marriage and how you’ve been treating it. Is is important to you? Is your spouse important to you? Are your children (if you have children) important to you? Hopefully you answered yes to all three of those questions. If so, I would encourage you to really work at fixing what’s wrong in your marriage. Watch this sermon – it will help you! Most importantly – pray for healing and seek help from a trusted marriage counselor. It can change your life!

In the next part of this series I’ll talk about what you can do to reduce the risks of committing adultery.

1. My family

They took good care of me and pampered me while I needed it.  And my puppy was always there to snuggle me. 

I LOVE this show!  I have on DVD all of the seasons that have been released so far and I watched about four seasons worth this week. 

My very favorite shows to watch (I record them all on the DVR so they are available any time I have the need for a real estate fix    ) are House Hunters, Property Virgins (although the name of this show is ridiculous to me I do like the show), and My First Place.  I also like the show Flip this House which is on A&E.  I couldn’t even tell you how many episodes of each of these I watched this week!  It kept me from going crazy though!  haha!

I couldn’t find a cute picture for this but I have some great friends who brought meals to my family this week and it was such a huge blessing!  I’ve never been on the receiving end of that and it’s an amazing feeling.    I also had so many friends sending me messages through e-mail and facebook, checking on me, and wishing me well.   That was sure nice to find when I managed to get on the computer!!  (The nice thing about laptops is that you can ask your kids to bring you the computer in bed!  haha!)  I also had some nice phone calls from some who wanted to check on me and that was very comforting as well.

Since I’ve kind of been stuck in bed for the last few days I’ve been able to enjoy watching a couple of TV shows I have on DVD.  I have the whole set of Reba (that’s been released to this point) and the first two seasons of Little House on the Prairie.  Obviously those are two very different shows but they both are great to watch for different reasons.  I love the humor and jokes about everyday life in Reba and I love the setting and atmosphere that’s created in Little House.

Soccer has started back up again.  It’s really nice because it’s indoor soccer too.  It’s WAY too hot to be outside right now unless you’re in a pool!  We had a really nice, long spring this year (which was very surprising because the heat usually slams us in May!) so we’ve had nice temperatures up until about a week ago and then they rocketed into the upper 90′s and the 100′s.  UGH!  I think the lowest temp on our 7 day forecast is 99!  Oh well!  Anyway, back to soccer – I sure did get sidetracked didn’t I!  Our season is going great so far!  We had our third game last night and we’ve won the last two.  The first one we only lost by one goal and it was in the last 4 seconds of the game.    It was against a team in a higher division than we are though so that’s saying a lot!  It’s really exciting because we have been working on building this team and trying to get a homeschool soccer team going since 2005.  We’ve had a team off and on and sometimes we do well but most of the time we have such a mix of inexperienced players and experienced players that we just don’t seem to do well.  Well, this season we were able to get quite a few kids to join us who have played soccer for years and it’s making all the difference.  They look like a different team out there!  (I guess in some ways they are!  haha)  It’s been so nice to see them do well and come off the field happy and proud of what they’ve just accomplished.  And I must say our goalie is amazing!  He saves so many goals and does a fantastic job.  And it just so happens that he’s my son too.     It pays to have a dad who was a goalie and who has coached for years and years who can teach you all the goalie skills you need!  I’m pretty proud of my hubby too – can you tell?    He’s done a great job coaching this team!

In other news, my daughter has been competing in a competition called American Kids.  She competed in two different local competitions and made it to state with both of her songs.  She competed in the state competition this month and made it to nationals!  Woohoo!  So, we are heading to Branson, Missouri, next month for her to compete with both of her songs (she sings one with a cd track and the other she plays the piano and sings) .  It should be an amazing week and we are very excited to go.

Well, I guess that’s enough rambling for today.  Hope everyone is having a great week!

I do have some things that I hope to accomplish this summer though – as well as some things that we already have planned:

• We have a DVD player that also records to DVD and I have wanted to back up all of our home videos on to DVDs ever since we got it.  I’ve been able to get a lot of them done but I have so many more to do!  I’d like to make a bigger dent in that this summer.
• I also scrapbook and I haven’t touched it in a while.  That busy school year thing again!  Anyway, I’d like to pull all that out and get busy getting some pages done!  I am SO far behind on that it’s not even funny.  Maybe I’ll finish when my grandkids are grown!  (And my kids are still teens so that tells you how far out that is!  haha!)
• One thing I’m pretty positive will get accomplished at this point is a minor surgery I have to have at the end of the month.  I’m both dreading and looking forward to that. 
• Along with that I still have some more doctor app0intments – I’ve kind of had a flurry of those this spring!
• My son is just starting a new indoor soccer session so we’ll be attending lots of fun soccer games over the next eight weeks or so!
• My daughter is in a talent competition called American Kids and we are getting ready to go to the state competition and then if she makes it to nationals we’ll be heading to Branson, Missouri, in the middle of July.
• We are in a homeschool co-op and some of us moms have decided to plan some fun get-togethers over the summer.  I’m really looking forward to those.  We always have so much fun together!   In the past we’ve done murder mystery parties, game nights, and even a lock-in (yes – just for moms!) at the church where we have co-op.  This summer we’re doing Bunko nights and craft nights together.
• The kids also have some parties with the co-op kids planned.  The kids also have a blast at those.
• Our family has passes to a local water park as well as an amusement park so we’re hoping to enjoy those a lot this summer.  We’ve had unseasonable cool temperatures for this time of year around here though so we haven’t even been to the water park yet!  A lot of times we’ve seen quite a few days in the 100′s by now but it’s mostly been in the upper 80′s and occasionally some 90′s.  Weird stuff!!  I’m not going to complain too loudly though. 

I need to get busy on all this stuff though.  Before I know it, August will be here and we’ll be at football practice four nights a week and I won’t even have time to think much less do any of this! 

What about you?  What are your summer plans?  You can share in the comments or make your own post and just leave a link here.